Trish
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Below are the 50 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Trish" journal:[<< Previous 50 entries]
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11:02 pm
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Graduate Programs at GMU and UMD
GMU
chhs@gmu.edu
Programs
Graduate Certificates
MS Epidemiology and Biostats
MS Health Systems Mgmt, Health Information Systems
MPH (new program starting Fall 2009) -- is it accredited or not?
Invidual Courses
HAP 709 Health Care Databases
HAP 720 Health Data Integration
UMD
Programs
Applied Mathematics & Statistics, and Scientific Computation (AMSC) 30-33 CH
Information Management (INFM) ?? CH
Mathematical Statistics (STAT) 30 CH
Master of Public Health 42-43 CH
--Biostatistics (BIOS)
--Community Health Education (CHED)
--Epidemiology
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06:58 pm
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Christmas Trivia
Excerpted from Slate:
I used to be able to watch It's a Wonderful Life almost every day throughout the Christmas season. What happened? U.S. copyright law determines who may distribute, display, or reproduce a film, book, or drawing. Works not covered by copyrights—including ones with copyrights that have expired and those that never secured this protection—are said to be in the "public domain." These works, like the near-ancient Sherlock Holmes stories and some of Charlie Chaplin's silent films, can be reproduced, broadcast, and sold freely. It's a Wonderful Lifeentered the public domain by accident when Republic Pictures, the original copyright owner and producer of Wonderful Life, neglected to renew the 1946 copyright in 1974. Stations programmed it heavily during the holidays, paying no royalties to its producers, and more than 100 distributors sold the movie on tape. Republic regained control of the lucrative property in 1993 by flexing a new Supreme Court ruling that determined that the holder of a copyright to a story from which a movie was made had certain property rights over the movie itself. Since Republic still owned the copyrighted story behind It's a Wonderful Life and had also purchased exclusive rights to the movie's copyrighted music, it was able to essentially yank the movie out of the public domain, meaning that it could no longer be shown without the studio's permission. (For more on holiday reruns, read this Explainer from 1999.)
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07:39 pm
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New additions
And I just got two brand-new nephews :) :) :)
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05:59 pm
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GOING HOME!
We got Walter Reed
We are going home. This summer.
Now to find a place to live!
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05:16 pm
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Tommorrow we're supposed to find out...
...where we'll be living for the next three years, and whether Jon got pediatrics!
Will I get any sleep tonight? Or work done tomorrow?
AHHHHHHHH!
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01:36 pm
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A year in first lines
A first line from one post each month:
January: I just had a thought, a term for those people you see on the train or in class with that blank look in their eyes and earbuds in their ears, as their iPods play continuously until they fall into a zombie-like state: pod heads.
February: We got a dog a few weeks ago and named her Lana
March: The season's fits and spurts toward Spring carry me toward something great: I call it hope.
April: my grandmother passed away last thursday.
May: I flew home this past weekend for Aprotim & Lauren's wedding.
June: Well, the house is getting mighty lonely right about now.
July: We harvested our first tomatoes last Thursday, and have already picked a pound and a half of them (5 medium-large tomatoes).
August: A video making fun of bottled water
September: How much money should we give to charity?
October: Should I feel lucky that our stock portfolio is only down 25% since 1/2006?
November: And watching CNN now... for the first time in about 5 years, I felt that McCain was being truly honest in sharing his thoughts in his concession speech.
December: The past couple months have been intense since our house has had a revolving door...
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07:12 pm
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Puppy Portraits
Based on this photo from June, I think Lana wants to be a canine cover girl. She think's she's just too cool for everyone (or is she just sleepy?)
But on Friday Lana turned 1 year old (!) calling into question whether we should still be calling her a puppy. Either way, she sure loves pumpkin muffins with vanilla frosting:
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05:53 pm
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...and taxes
This is bizarre--our real estate property taxes have gone down two years in a row. The world really is backwards...
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10:27 pm
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Obama FTW
And watching CNN now... for the first time in about 5 years, I felt that McCain was being truly honest in sharing his thoughts in his concession speech.
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07:25 pm
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Puppy love
Oh my goodness I love it when the pup falls asleep and takes a nap on my legs
(even if my legs also fall asleep!)
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08:11 pm
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The great schlep
Cute name, cute idea. Like some parts of the video (shown here http://thegreatschlep.com) and more of the stories on CNN.
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08:45 pm
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Scones!
I've always wanted to try my hand at making scones but for some reason didn't until tonight. And I can best summarize the experience with "Yum, scones!"
So I used the sweet version of the Joy of Cooking recipe, but had to make a few changes. Due to the humidity out here, I had to add an extra 3/4 cup flour to get the dough to stop sticking to everything. I also subbed milk for the heavy cream, and added frozen blueberries to a couple of them. Finally I sprinkled them with raw sugar. Here's how they turned out...
...with blueberries and folded from the corners. (It probably would have worked better if I sprinkled the sugar after doing the folding...)
...with sugar on top, unfolded
Next time I'm going to add maple syrup to offset the extra flour, which dulled the sweetness of this batch. Also I must say that working with the dough was divine, almost as sensually delicious as eating the finished product. This dough is so much softer and more luxurious than bread dough!
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10:37 pm
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two things that turned tonight around
1. figuring out how to stretch my neck to relieve the massive tension that was making my whole body feel achey and sick
2. frozen strawberries + frozen peaches + orange juice + agave nectar = one damn good smoothie
now i just feel sleepy, but content. and there's still some weekend left!
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04:04 pm
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Shana tova!
Happy new year, all!
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08:49 pm
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Trust in Government...
Exerpted from Slate article Why No One Trusts the Government to Fix Anything Anymore:
"At the same time Americans lost confidence in their government, so did the English. And the Aussies, French, Italians, Japanese, and Germans. The decline in confidence wasn't something special to the United States, a homegrown product of our politicians' failures. It was common to all industrialized countries. The lack of trust is a function of modern prosperity.
"So, we've muddled along, putting off problems (health care, immigration, whatever). We've made it through, patching together solutions and spackling over the gaps with Game Boys, wine-tastings, and the wonders of HDTV. Mostly, we've looked for private solutions to public problems.
"Now we need government again. We can't do without it. But we've forgotten what it was like to trust government to take on exactly the kind of big job it was created to do."
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09:27 pm
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Loooong overdue...
Puppy pictures ( behind the cut! )
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09:53 pm
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Ran!
So for as much as we do a lot of walking, 1-3 miles per day since Spring, I rarely do any running. There were times in college and since that I've used the machine to go a mile or more, but the most I've done on land in the past eight years has been half a mile. (Ouch.) Well tonight I decided to accompany DH on his evening run, thoroughly convinced he would need to drop me off at the house after half a mile, maybe three quarters if I pushed. But I made it 1.25 miles! And that included some serious hills! A couple stretches were 15 degrees and the last leg was 30 degrees. And honestly I think I could have kept going for another half mile... all I can say is that there must be some carryover from walking to running or there's no way I'd have this endurance.
Tonight's success has me inspired to keep going. I'd like to improve my pace from a 13.5 minutes mile to a 9 minute mile, and eventually my distance from 1.25 up to 5. While I was even slower about 2-3 years ago, since I reached 13.5 I haven't progressed at all. So what would be a good short-term goal? I'm thinking of trying to reduce 13.5 down to 12.5 by the end of the month, because I always improve fastest at the outset of a new regimen. I'll report back on this in a couple weeks, after the holiday :)
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04:56 pm
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A proposed Rosh Hashannah menu
This is for a group of 12-20 adults. Any suggestions?
Starters
Veggies, Crackers
Chopped Liver
Apples and honey
Challah
Sides
Matzoh ball soup
Potato keugelettes (muffin-sized)
Salad (ideas for something less than boring?)
Main
Brisket with carrots and cranberries
Desserts
Sweet potato pie (dairy)
Apple torte (non-dairy)
Vanilla ice cream
Assorted Teas & Coffee
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10:13 pm
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Foodie Love
I rarely get into memes, but this one caught my interest. Bottom line: I have eaten 28 of the foods on this list, at least so far as I recognized names of foods. I didn't bother crossing anything out since I would consider most things, and since human flesh wasn't on the list.
( The Omnivore's Hundred )
Oh, for the curious! The original blog has links to more info on many of the foods.
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08:06 pm
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The benefits of growing up with a garden!
Survival skill: Knowing that when it comes to produce, appearance does not always indicate quality.
I happily applied that skill yesterday. Somehow the Athena cantaloupe was the same price (by the each) as the regular cantaloupe, even though the Athena cantaloupe was twice the size! I think they weren't selling as well because they looked lumpier and had irregular rind patterns. Gladly that didn't throw me off since I grew up with home-grown melon vines and melons. It was just as sweet, and had much less waste since the rind was only a couple millimeters thick. Awesome!
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02:15 pm
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"When life's a bitch, grab your Mitch!"
A video making fun of bottled water
(Oh, and the actors are Britsh, so it's even better.)
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10:59 pm
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Tomatoes again :)
We harvested our first tomatoes last Thursday, and have already picked a pound and a half of them (5 medium-large tomatoes). Woo! Okay, done bragging.
Back to my regularly scheduled moping.
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07:29 pm
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tee hee
overdoing it for the sheer love of the farce. counter-rumors about Obama.
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09:06 pm
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plastic lotion =P
ick. i didn't know the beads in these lotions were made out of plastic. does anyone else find it sad that anyone would even think of these products?
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03:18 pm
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French Onion Soup
I made french onion soup and it is delicious! *triumph*
(Sadly, however, it may be cheaper to buy it at a restaurant.)
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06:21 pm
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Cooking for one
Well, the house is getting mighty lonely right about now. Jon left Saturday for a month rotation in Dayton, and I won't get to see him for 2-3 weeks. Hopefully this will be easier since it's June (which = not February) and since Lana has a good routine now.
Articles:
The externalities of bottled water. Why we ought to cut back.
The ice of the arctic and antartica. (Finally) a readable explanation of what's going on with polar ice and global warming.
Hmm, I guess I've been expanding my green reading lately. Probably because more of it is getting coverage on mainstream sites (plus I'm growing a decent collection of green-related blogs!).
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09:06 pm
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my town rocks tonight
Kansas City for the win!
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05:48 pm
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Random much?
It's been a rough week, but at least I got 33.7 mpg, right?
Random Links:
Marriage metrics a la 1930's culture.
This grilled chicken recipe looks delicious. Any ideas on substitutes for yogurt? I can't mix dairy with the chicken if I want hubby to be able to share the meal.
Great wines under $15. Truthfully this article meant little to me. I think I need to focus on one region or one type of grape at a time.
The problem with McCain's health care proposal. I find this article decent fodder for further brainstorming for improvements...
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09:47 pm
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Trip Home Part II
So I do not drink, but still I'd like to know more about wine and spirits. First step toward becoming an abstinant oenophile: visiting a vineyard! On the way home from c-ville, we stopped at Prince Michel:
Pretty day, huh? I didn't get to see any grapes as it's too early in the season, but their vines were getting ready to flower:
I would like to read more about wine production, and to try out more recipes employing wine. Anyone know of good sources of wine writing (i.e., not boring!) or have recipes you're dying to share with an excited fellow foodie?
Current Mood: perky
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06:47 pm
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Part I of Trip Home: Blessings
I flew home this past weekend for Aprotim & Lauren's wedding. I'm glad I was able to be very in the moment to enjoy witnessing their union and then celebrating among friends. Still, the experience provoked a great deal of emotion and then thought, as I sought to sort the emotions out. I think many of us had similar, somewhat overwhelming feelings.
The dominant take-away is that I am blessed to have known so many unique, loving, brilliant people, and I am sad that I live so far away. I know not all nights can be like that night, but if I lived nearer I do believe I'd do a better job of keeping in touch. It's hard to sustain a relationship by email and journaling alone, but at least the power of staying in touch electronically is that it's easier to get started up again. It eases the awkwardness of catching up, makes sure we don't feel like strangers meeting.
The profound and earnest love emanating from A&L's friends and family was not subtle--through a series of speeches we were shown a picture of how to live life. I am greatly jealous of their committment to friends above self, and it reminds me of how I have missed opportunities to be a better friend and citizen as I have focused on my own goals and troubles (real and imagined). I hope to move past myself and actualize my abilities to connect. I should not wait until I have met all my personal goals; they are not likely to ever be done (that would not be in character).
And then the question lingers, what is success? Comparisons are easy to fall into, but mostly I admire the diversity of successes that surrounded me. Careers, relationships, adventures. Truthfully I am not fully satisfied with myself on any of these dimensions, but that's OK, these things are all fluid. What's more there is no single standard goalpost; a more useful definition of success is "doing the most with the least." Whatever blessings we have, do what we can. With what health, energy, personality, skills, and resources we can muster, do what we can to live positively in oneself and for others. I may not have as much to give as someone else, but so long as I give what I can then I am successful. Don't get hung up on what we aren't/haven't, but still work towards betterment. Beyond this, little matters--yet beyond this is where most of us spend most of our concern. It is not that we should all ignore money and career and looks and status and resume, but that these should be gathered up to serve and not to take.
I believe we are blessed to carry forward our strengths lightly, yet learn from shouldering our failings. All future and previous events are temporary, but woven together in a continuity of identity that keeps us warm on brisk nights, and aglow in celebrations.
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06:02 pm
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*grouse*
it sucks to get sick right after a funeral.
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09:13 pm
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i've been home
my grandmother passed away last thursday. it was both expected and not, it was a matter of time and timing. we flew out to join with my parents, sister, and grandfather, then drove up to NYC where her grave is. i brought some english ivy from our front yard, which i looped into a wreath and set on her coffin. i know she probably saw new york as home, but it seemed so far away for a return. i wanted to bring something of her most recent home for her. i think it was good for my grandfather that i was there, i think i have a good effect on him. i'm not sure why but it's a sense i get, maybe it's just because i love him so much and he can tell :) it was also good for me (for more general reasons) to be home and see family. i got to meet some cousins who i hadn't met before--it's always intriguing to see similarities among the people with whom i share some genetics.
also speaking of timing, i'd been longing to see cherry blossoms since i haven't seen any in years, and all of march i lamented that i wouldn't get to see them this year. but i did, at their peak.
rest in peace, grandma.
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07:08 pm
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Pasta part II
I couldn't resist making more pasta today, this time with tomato paste. Looks pretty much the same, except it's orange!
The only change to the recipe was to substitute half the water with tomato paste and add a couple dashes of oregano and garlic. I wish I'd had some sundried tomatoes on hand for a stronger flavor, but even so the tomato flavor is deifnitely tasteable.
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07:55 pm
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An Offering to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or Pasta!
Today I made homemade pasta for the first time. To be truthful I've always been intimidated by the idea of doing this, but I came across a recipe with step-by-step instructions and photos and thought I'd give it a try. Here is a photo of the naked noodles after being cooked:
I am surprised and proud of how well the noodles kept their shape. (Many of them were over a foot long!) I'm also wowed by how easy this was to do without a pastamaker--it took about 15 minutes of active preparation time.
So that you, too, may pay homage to the FSM, here's the recipe I followed (as reinterpreted from Cooking Light magazine):
1 C AP flour
1 C whole wheat flour
1/4 t salt
5 T water
2 T olive oil
2 large eggs
Mix dry ingredients in a food processer.
Whisk wet ingredients together, then add through chute while food processer is running.
Run the processer until a ball forms.
Transfer the dough ball to a lightly floured surface and knead 5-6 times.
Form into a disc, wrap in plastic wrap, and allow to rest 30 minutes.
After resting, roll out the dough into a large, thin rectangle. (This step may require some extra flour if the dough gets sticky.)
Dust the top surface of the sheet and then fold its sides to the middle.
Again dust the surface that is showing, and fold in half so you have a log four layers thick.
Cut the log along the perpendicular every 1/4 inch to make your noodles. Make sure to use a thin/sharp knife!
Unfold each noodle and dust with flour if needed.
Boil the noodles in salted water for approximately 90 seconds, drain the water, and serve with the sauce of your choice!
Bonus Fact: This recipe weighs about 0.75 pounds prior to cooking, and costs about 40-50 cents for ingredients. This compares very favorably to the cost of dry whole wheat pasta at the store!
PS: If you're reading this, it's lights out time!
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09:46 pm
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Spring!
Peeps Diaramas! 'nuff said. (Really, SO much goodness among these.)
No stories to tell, right now. This winter I've been doing a great job of doing very little, but with the start of Spring we've been starting to get out and walk every day. Thank goodness! Upcoming projects are to start my seedlings (I think I'm already a couple weeks late on the tomatoes); cut back the burning bushes; get someone to fix the gutters, take down the wallpaper, and paint the walls; and get my artwork ready for potential Spring and Summer showing opportunities. I seriously need more energy. Or any energy, for that matter!
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10:16 pm
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Confessions
1. I love boiled turnips
2. For two weeks a suicidal robin has repeatedly flung itself up against our livingroom window pane. Why? I wish I knew.
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09:29 pm
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Hope
The season's fits and spurts toward Spring carry me toward something great: I call it hope. Not the molasses sweet-and-sticky hope of stereotype, but the hope that is a tune I cannot even hear myself singing as I move with the beat. Measure by measure I can feel the crescendo rise within me and I am off and running.
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The problems in this world are so daunting. It’s easy to lose hope. It’s painful to have hope and be disappointed. But optimism is the engine of true progress. There are a lot of great quotes about hope out there, but one I really enjoy is from...Barbara Kingsolver. She says, “The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.” (Stumbled upon from here)
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07:24 pm
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chew on this
Obamanation.
how's that for a double entendre?
(Word neoplasm courtesy of the Hubby.)
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09:55 pm
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My bad
Sorry I haven't responded to anyone's comments recently. This is a tough month, with Jon rotating at a hospital 100 miles away so I only see him on weekends, leaving me and puppy to fend for ourselves. I'm glad this is temporary, and I'm glad I won't have to work when Jon goes on active duty because balancing work and caring for puppy is leaving me pretty beat. Last week was double crazy because I had a deadline for my second job and basically didn't do anything other than work and sleep. Boo! But, I'm proud that I'm doing well with those two things (hehe, I especially ace sleep!)
By the by, puppy had her first check-up and is in perfect health. She's also up to 16 pounds!
This is her being drowsy:
I wish the lighting was better in our living room. She usually naps on her back like a chicken carcass -- really! -- but I can't get a shot that captures it right. I'll keep trying!
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10:25 pm
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Lana pup
We got a dog a few weeks ago and named her Lana:
She's a ( husky-shepherd mix )
She's getting closer to sleeping through the night, so hopefully I'll be posting here more often.
Also, I got a new web address, tksphotos.com
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01:10 pm
[Link] | The irony of CFLs is that they actually reduce overall mercury emissions in the long run. Despite recent improvements in the industry's technology, the burning of coal to produce electricity emits roughly 0.023 milligrams of mercury per kilowatt-hour. Over a year, then, using a 26-watt CFL in the average American home (where half of the electricity comes from coal) will result in the emission of 0.66 milligrams of mercury. For 100-watt incandescent bulbs, which produce the identical amount of light, the figure is 2.52 milligrams. (from Slate)
Also, beautiful song video made from an Obama speech.
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09:03 pm
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Two in the Bush
Bush "singing" Sunday Bloody Sunday
How Bush's stance on stem cells displays the flaws in his thinking (er, non-thinking)
That's all folks!
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11:31 pm
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I got in!
I got two photos into this year's Meadowlark gardens photo expo. w00t! I like the photos I submitted but wasn't sure if they were competitive, so I really wasn't confident this year. Anyhow, two accepted out of six entries is pretty good! (Especially with somewhat under 1/3 of entries accepted overall.) *bounce bounce bounce*
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10:10 pm
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Happy smoothie
Okay, I just invented this smoothie combo and I am so happy, even though I am a little bit on the chilly side...
But warm enough to type and share :) !
Ingredients:
2 parts frozen strawberries
2 parts frozen peaches
1 part fresh mango
1/3 C water
sprinkle lemonade powder
drizzle maple syrup
1 tsp vanilla
Steps:
Make sure frozen fruit isn't too big to stop up your blender;
Then blend in blender;
And enjoy! YUM.
Oh, and I'm not sure you need the extra flavors. I think I'll try leaving them out next time and see if I still like it.
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04:44 pm
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Phooey.
My website is temporarily down since it turns out my automatic domain registration wasn't. (Grr.) I will be sharing my photos of the Plaza lights after my web woes are resolved... but trust me that they're kinda neat!
Also, I intend to make a real post in the next couple weeks. In the mean time, links:
National directory of farmer's markets and natural foods stores.
The shortcomings of cancer drug trials.
An analysis of apparent differences in conspicuous consumption by race (Showing contextual differences account for differences in outcomes.)
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09:18 pm
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Back in KC
I just had a thought, a term for those people you see on the train or in class with that blank look in their eyes and earbuds in their ears, as their iPods play continuously until they fall into a zombie-like state: pod heads.
(That's all for now. See how I kindly edit out all the chaff for y'all?)
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09:00 am
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Groom's cake?
Optimus Prime groom's cake.
It's a shame we hadn't heard of groom's cake a few years ago...!
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06:38 pm
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Catching up with some snippets.
Today I found out my HDL is 75. Seventy-five! My blood for the win! (And I am relieved to report there were no problems identified in the rest of the blood panel, including normal thyroid function.) I feel like I must be doing something right, phew!
So Thanksgiving was good but stressful. My parents arrived first and helped get the house ready (bathroom walls have a fresh coat of paint! leaves all raked and bagged!) Everyone else (in-laws, sister, brother-in-law) arrived closer to T-day. Food stuff went perfectly I think, without much stress, and I successfully brined and cooked an 11-pound turkey. Anyone know a good recipe for Turkey soup? I still have the neck, giblets, and bones.
Then back to reality and back to work, but I was very much rejuvinated. Then this past weekend we attended the university Christmas party, which was trippy and fun. We got to see a couple professors with their hair down (shaking their honky-tonk badonk-adonk, riding a mechanical bull, etc.). I also had my first taste of Kobe beef--delicious! And we won a hundred bucks. All in all not a bad evening ;)
Sunday we went to our first Chiefs game (my first live football game) courtesy of a coworker selling me her tickets since she couldn't go. (I don't know how people spend $200 for two people on a regular basis--we were lucky that she sold them to us at a discount.) Anyhow awesome seats: we were on the Chiefs 10 yard line and only ten rows up--crazy close. We lost the game, but got to see a successful Chiefs touchdown pass right in front of us. Fun, but still I think I'd rather watch on T.V. :)
After such a good stretch, this week has been rough. I've had a lot of hustle and bustle on my plate at work, and I've been handling it well but it's been hard to get settled in to my bigger projects. I feel guilty and unproductive, but really I don't trust my code would be reliable if I wrote it in between taking/making calls and putting out variously-sized fires. I think a lot of my distraction is because a student at the university died this weekend, unexpectedly. It was someone I had met recently. My heart goes out to his wife, and I am reminded why it is so important to reach out to people and make that extra effort. (Meanwhile it snowed today, so I am skipping a holiday social for the spouses group at school. I thought they would postpone it! Now I feel like a bum for not going.)
Chanukah has been kinda lonely without family here, but Mom left some presents for us which was super sweet. So far I've gotten a couple things I'm amazed she remembers me mentioning, since I think it was over a year ago that I last mentioned them. But seriously, she has been right-on this year, and I know that ain't easy!
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
My "ClipBoard"
"Shop less, live more." I ran across this slogan and like it's succinctness and relevance this time of year. Suggestions to give experiential gifts resonates with my sensibilities. Going on a mini-road trip or to the theatre would be way cooler than having more stuff. On the other hand, we've made more purchases this past year than ever. I am trying to choose only those things we really plan to use, and then get quality items that will last a long time. Still, not an easy thing, but a worthwhile struggle...
Funny quote: "At Le Quy Don High School, a magnet public school in Ho Chi Minh City [Vietnam], we chatted with students. (Most disconcerting flat-Earth moment: the unanimous roar of approval that arose when we asked if they liked Hannah Montana.)" (from Slate)
Mmm, apples! geek x apples = interesting flavors
Butternut Squash Soup. I left out the half-and-half, but I'm not sure I'd like it better with it. This soup is more like applesauce but squash/pear flavored. I like it but it's not really main course material.
New old Stilton. Sounds yummy!
Edit: These almond cookies are delicious. One trick is to grind your almonds instead of shelling out for almond flour, however this makes it tricky to shape into cookies.
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05:39 pm
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Share and share alike
No comments on my last post? I am looking for your thoughts...
.
Anyhow, some articles worthy of sharing:
The traits daters really want
Paper vs. plastic vs. other bags
The original super mario brothers 2
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04:03 pm
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"In transition"
Today I went to the funeral of a woman who I hadn't actually met. I went because I could sense the devotion and affection that those who knew her had towards her; anyone with such magnetic pull is worth honoring, and the voices rejoicing her life are worth hearing and understanding.
Knowing how emotionally raw I am, you can probably picture my face, and the searing grief beneath, as I participated in the funeral of this great woman who I never knew.
I considered my regret for not having introduced myself to her, though I had considered it when passing her office on more than one occasion. I shied away because I had no reason to introduce myself, other than that I had heard she was a great woman. I feared I would be awkward, because I am often awkward and don't think well on my feet. I worried that I could not tell her even why I wanted to meet her, because I remembered the meaning but not the message of what I'd heard. I should have just said I'd heard she's great and wanted to go straight to the source. And now I have heard more, but not from her.
I listened to a list of adjectives: indomitable, gentle, fearless. I listened to the stories of a woman who had drive and perseverance, a woman with vision who always arrives where she is headed. A woman who has transcended the day-to-day troubles that can make our paths seem difficult. And I asked myself what is stopping me from being the same way? In the past, the words used to describe her were often applied to me. I am strong-willed, passionate, and smart, and over the years have begun to understand compassion. She was described as always striving to learn new things, a trait I pride myself in as well. How can I bring these pieces together to honor her values in my own lifetime?
And I reminded myself of where I must focus my energy, as the one word among many that stung me was fearless. For in many ways, I am fearless. I have mastered boundless enthusiasm and optimism, but often lose myself in a dust storm of doubts and fears. I never lose my energy, but it can become so thickly masked that I am unable to see a way through. And for what are these fears? If there is anything to fear in life it is living less than a full life, and no one can do that to me but myself. So how do I make my own transition, clearing the air so I can see my way to where I'm heading? That is where my thoughts are idling, seeking the perspective and strength of sharing with others so that I may keep moving forward.
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